Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
