coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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