You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
