GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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