Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
