I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
