if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
