Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
