i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
