Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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