There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
