Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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