Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
