I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
