my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
