we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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