So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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