Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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