Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
