spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am one with the molecules
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
