Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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