Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
