I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
