Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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