I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
