this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
