SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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