I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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