I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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