I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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