I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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