k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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