I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
