It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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