saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
