how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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