Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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