I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
