where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
