i will never coherently bang her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
