everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
