You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm both gender and math confused
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
