My friends, they love my intelligence
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
