Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
