Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
