Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
