I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
