FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
