One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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