take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
