Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
